Let us review. If you've been following this column from the beginning, you should already know our mission statement.
 This is, as advertised, the idiot's guide to becoming the world's greatest comic book writer.
And, no, I can't tell you why you're taking advice from an idiot.
(But thank you. I appreciate the extra traffic.)
So what does it take to become "the world's greatest comic book writer?"
Hard work, certainly. You have to want it. You have to be ready to think critically and to work and rework your material till it's the best that you can possibly produce.
You have to know your medium. You have to know the strengths and weaknesses inherent to the comic book. And you have to play to those strengths, and you have to overcome those weaknesses.
You have to be ready to work as part of a team. You have to understand what you can control as a writer and what you can't control, and you have to spend your time worrying about the former, and not the latter.
You have to choose a genre you feel comfortable writing in. If you feel comfortable writing superheroes, you'll have a much easier time finding an audience. But don't let that sway you. Write the stories that you would read. Stories that you care about.
Find your voice. Do the work. Make it happen.
Thank you, and good night.
(Please make all checks payable to Drew Melbourne. You can also send Pay Pal payments to--)
Oh, wait. You're still not famous yet, are you?
Hmm.
 Well, me neither. So let's get back to work, shall we?
In the coming weeks, we'll be looking at specific skills: Dialogue. Panel descriptions. Pacing. Everything you need to master to become a future legend of the medium.
"But Drew!" you say, "I'm ready now! I'm a medium-master now!"
"Just tell me how to break in."
Well, shucks. Okay.
(But, PLEASE, never call yourself a "medium-master" again. It's embarrassing!)
If you absolutely MUST know how to become a big-time, professional comic book writer, keep reading. Everyone else, go away.
I mean it! This is secret stuff.
This is your last warning!
Whew! I'm glad that those losers are gone! Now it's just me and you super-cool types.
All right then, super-cool types. Get your gear on. Because this is...
YOUR PLAN OF ATTACK
- THE IDEA. To begin with you'll need to focus on one exceptional idea. So if you have no ideas, this may be a stumbling block for you. Get some. Quickly. And pick one that you can cover in a single one-shot or a mini-series. If you think you have a cosmos-shattering, thirty-gazillion part magnum opus inside of you, that's fantastic, but now is not the time for it.
- THE SCRIPT. Take as much time as you need with this. The beauty of not being famous is that no one is knocking on your door, demanding a copy of your script yesterday. Speed is a skill you can develop later. For now, just focus on writing well. Make sure that the script you write captures everything that originally excited you about your idea. Get feedback from people you respect. Use resources like Scryptic's forums to get advice. And keep working till you've produced something that you're really proud of.
- THE POSSE. You'll need a penciler, an inker, a letterer, and maybe a colorist. They can all be the same person, so long as they are all very good at their jobs. When you're starting out, you should always try to be the LEAST talented person on any creative team. So if you're a better writer than you are an artist, DON'T HIRE YOURSELF TO DRAW THE BOOK! If you're not Bryan Hitch, and you're not best friends with Bryan Hitch, you can go to places like Digital Webbing and spend some money to put together a great team. Could this cost a lot of money? Yes. But remember, you didn't ask me about making money. You asked me how to break in.
- PUBLISHING. At this point, you have a few different options. Self-publishing is usually, though not always, the more expensive option. Alternatively, you can pitch the book to publishers like Image Comics. The pitch is virtually an artform unto itself, but as a rule, if your product is good, it will come through in the pitch. Different companies have different submission guidelines, so if you go this root, make sure that you read those guidelines carefully.
- TROUBLESHOOTING. If you are having trouble getting your comic picked up by a publisher, or if self-publishing is confusing you, remember that the goal is not to turn your comic into the next industry sensation. It's simply to create the comic itself. You can use a service like comiXpress to print a thousand copies, or just one.
- SELLING YOURSELF. If you've gotten to this step, you've done it. You've proven that you can make a comic. And hopefully, it's a good one. Your goal now is to get your book into the hands of as many influential industry types as you possibly can. Editors and publishers you'd like to work for. Artists you'd like to work with. Groupies you'd like to...*
 I'm digressing aren't I?
I call the above approach "The Calling Card" approach. If all goes well, my "calling card" project should be coming out sometime in the next year. But even though I haven't had a comic hit the stands yet, people have already seen my work and know who I am. (And not just because I write a swingin' web-column.)
They've seen my calling card.
Is this the only way to break in? Of course not. But there are advantages. Namely, that you have a physical product to hand to people. Not a pitch. Not a script. But an actual comic book that backs up your writing with professional quality execution. And when it comes to breaking in, the best shot you'll ever have is for people to see your work presented in its ideal form.
VARIATIONS ON A THEME
Let's quickly cover a couple alternate attack plans:
- The Web Comic. If creating a complete comic in print seems daunting (or cost prohibitive), you may want to create a web comic instead. When creating web comics, you have a lot more flexibility in terms of size and scope. You can produce an eight page story and release one page per week. Or you can produce a sixty-four paged epic and release it all at once. You can try to place your comic at a site that hosts web comics, like Movie Poop Shoot, or you can host the comic on your own website.
- Anthologies. If it's the length of the product that you find daunting, or if you just want to show off your range, you'll want to consider writing short pieces for anthologies like DIGITAL WEBBING PRESENTS or WESTERN TALES OF TERROR, from Hoarse and Buggy Productions. Some anthologies will still want you to put together the entire piece yourself, while others are just looking for a cracklin' good script. Obviously, you'll want to do your research before you submit to any one anthology.
There are plenty of other plans of attack that you could employ as well. "Make friends at online and at conventions" is an oldy, but a goody. In the end, what's more important than the plan itself IS THAT YOU HAVE A PLAN.
Don't sit there playing mindsweeper, asking yourself why you're not famous yet. Don't sit around with your artist friends, talking about the great comics you'll make together SOMEDAY.
You want to make great comics. Make 'em, already.
Next week, the idiot takes his own advice.
 This is one of Drew's classic Think Like Tomorrow columns.
* ...cultivate so as to best disseminate the message inherent to your work. For Pete's sake, get your mind out of the gutter.
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