Every comic book company has its own unique submission guidelines. Obviously.

And I say "obviously" because if you turned to your dear old Gran right now - your dear old Gran who is ninety-two, hard of hearing, and often confuses comic books with those little plastic bibs they make her wear at Red Lobster - and you asked her, "Gran, do you figure that every comic book company would have its own unique submission guidelines?" she would flash an unnervingly gummy smile at you while she (1) fiddled around for her dentures, (2) slid on her trifocals, and (3) mercilessly beat you to death with her aluminum walker, all for asking her such a stupid, stupid question.

     Or maybe that's just my Gran.

Obviously, every comic book company has its own unique submission guidelines. Obviously, you should read up on each comic book company's submission guidelines before you submit to them. Obviously, you should follow those guidelines.

That said, there are a lot of companies out there, and there's only one me. And I only have the one column. ("It's the one you're reading now," he points out helpfully.) So I'm just going to have to declare Columnist's Fiat and proclaim that all of you plan on submitting to Image Comics.

     In 3... 2... 1...

COLUMNIST'S FIAT!!!

Because, let's be honest. Gran's not here right now. We can be adults about this. You all want to write for Image Comics.

(Sure, some of you are shaking your heads "no" right now. But then I probably lost you at "Red Lobster." The rest of my faithful audience - the ones I still like - are staring at their screens right now, and they're weeping, and they're cradling their heads, and they're rocking back and forth, and they're mumbling, "He can see into my soul. How can he see into my soul?")

You want to write for Image Comics. You've read their submissions guidelines. Maybe you've even read the 90 page submissions guidelines question thread on the Image Comics forum.

For those who haven't read all ninety pages, here's everything you need to know:

• Image will publish any comic, as long as it's really good.
• Yes, you can send them an electronic submission, but even if they like it, they'll need to see a print version eventually.
• If you haven't heard back from Image for many months, it's okay to send them an email.
• Cheese Doodles
  

Actually, the fourth item is from my shopping list. For ninety pages, it just seemed like the list should be a little longer.

Okay, so if there are only three things (and cheese doodles) that you're supposed to know, why is the thread ninety pages long? What's this thread really about?

For some people, it's about calming their nerves. For others, it's about finding something to worry about other than the actual story. For still others, it's about hitting upon that one question that will make Erik Larsen leap up from his computer, run into Eric Stephenson's office and shout, "Damn the submissions process! We must hire PWND616 today!"

Not that those aren't worthy causes.

Anyway.

Since you've read Image's submission guidelines, you already know that there are two major components to an Image Comics submission: the sample pages and the pitch.

The sample pages are pretty self-explanatory. Give them five pages from your comic. Make them as good as humanly possible. If they're not good enough, then that's that. You're not good enough to work at Image Comics yet. Or you're good enough, but Erik Larsen is afraid of you. Or whatever.

This column isn't really about the sample pages, so I didn't bother preparing any helpful facts about them. Today, we're going to talk pitches.

(I should confess that I really wanted to call this week's column "Pitches, Bitches," but my editor talked me out of it. I would have put up more of a fight about it, but I'm my own editor.)

In a recent thread on the Image Comics boards, cleverly entitled "ANYBODY WANT TO POST THEIR PITCH?!," a poster self-identified as "the McDermott" asked if anybody wanted to... well, you get the idea.

Few took the McD up on his offer, and pro writer Jay (Noble Causes) Faerber went so far as to say, "The one-page pitch is almost irrelevant at Image."

Thank you, and good night!
 

AND NOW FOR A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR The third issue of ArchEnemies is in stores now, but copies are going fast! Run out and buy yourself a copy today! Click here to preview this issue now.

 

What? Oh, fine.

As much as I think Jay is a great writer, and as much as I think he's mostly right here, I also think my column isn't long enough yet. Ergo, he must be slightly wrong.

Let's think about Robert Kirkman's Invincible. Ready? Go!

Yup. Just thinking about Invincible makes me happy. I have been a huge Invincipal all the way back to issue one. But reading that first issue doesn't give you slightest hint of what the series is really about. Reading five pages of that issue certainly doesn't.

You see, there's a twist that comes at the end of issue seven. If you've never read Invincible, I won't spoil it for you here. Suffice it to say that it's a big twist and that it was planned from the beginning.

In fact, it was spelled out in the original pitch document.

(For those who are interested in reading the full pitch, snatch a copy of the first Invincible hardcover and flip to the back.)

Would Image have picked up Invincible if it didn't have that twist? Maybe. I certainly liked the series even before they threw the twist in.

But without the twist, Invincible would have been a little more ordinary. And it would have been a little bit easier for Erik Larsen to say, "Well, we've got a bunch of other books like this in production." It would have been a little bit easier for Erik Larsen to say, "No."

A good Image Comics pitch puts the sample pages in context. It explains the high concept. It suggests a compelling story arc for the characters. It hints at why this series stands a chance of standing out in today's crowded market.

If your sample pages stink, your pitch will not save you. If your sample pages are brilliant, you could probably get away with a three word pitch that reads, "Me the comics?"

But if your sample pages are somewhere in between--capable, but not quite jaw-dropping--fun, but not quite ground-breaking--that's where a clever pitch can make all the difference.

And let's be honest, again. 'Cause honesty is fun. "Capable, but not quite jaw-dropping?" "Fun, but not quite ground-breaking?" All hype aside, that could describe almost anybody, when they're first getting published.

So imagine: "This is solid stuff. The sample pages look a lot like some of the other comics we're doing right now, but the pitch suggests a really clever direction for the book."

That's what the pitch is for.

And, because I haven't plagiarized enough from Jay Faerber in this column, let me add the following, also lifted from that same thread:

"If you're pitching a book to Marvel or DC, chances are you're pitching it solely as a writer (since they usually assemble creative teams themselves). If that's the case, the written pitch, obviously, is crucial."

So we start by pitching to Image, where the actual written pitch isn't quite so important, and down the road, we'll use these same skills to pitch Ultimate Devil Dinosaur to Nick Lowe at Marvel.

I know you want to write for Marvel because - in case you've forgotten - I can see into your soul.

So, after all that, it's time we talk shop. What goes into a pitch?

I tend to favor the following format:

• Hook
• Overview
• Synopsis
• Extensions
• Marketing
• Cheese Doodles
  

I used to only have five elements in each pitch, but they were coming out too short.
 

HOOK
The hook is your high-concept boiled down to one sentence. If you've got a really clean, clear, compelling hook, it will help your pitch, and it will help you to market your book down the line.

People argue over what makes a good hook. Some offer up a format or a list of ingredients that should be included in every hook. And those people are worth listening to.

But for my money, there's only one proper test for a hook: When people hear it, do they say, "Hmm. That sounds interesting?" If they want to hear more, your hook has done its job.

It has - you're way ahead of me, I'm sure - hooked them.

"Gifted from birth with fantastic powers, the X-Men band together to defend a world that fears and hates them for their difference."

Hmm. That sounds interesting.

"The world's greatest hero disguises himself as a bumbling reporter in order to earn the affection of the only woman he's ever loved."

Hmm. That sounds interesting.

"Doc Bruce Banner, belted by gamma rays, turns into the Hulk. Ain't he unglamorous?"

Um. Never mind that last one.

 

Hook. Check.
 

OVERVIEW
The overview is a paragraph that explains the story in more detail. Who are the main characters? What do they want? What are the important conflicts? Where does the story take place?

But you've just got one paragraph, so you need to be concise.

The overview is, as advertised, "an overview." So don't worry about cramming every single plot point in your story into this one paragraph. You'll have more room for that in the synopsis, coming up next.

If you're pitching your story as the first arc of one of them there ongoing serieszis, you'll want to use this section to touch on the larger plot/direction for the series, character relationships, themes, etc. But don't get too bogged down.

A series overview of the X-Men might talk about Professor X, the team, the school, and maybe their conflict with Magneto. It probably wouldn't mention Cable's evil clone, Stryfe.
 

Shut up, Stryfe.
 

SYNOPSIS
Again, this is where you explain what happens in the first story arc you're pitching. If you're just pitching a one-shot, a mini-series, or an original graphic novel, this is where you tell them everything.

As a rule, try to keep it to one paragraph per issue or per "unit" of story. But use your common sense. If you need more space, take it. If you need less space, don't sweat it.
 

EXTENSIONS
What happens next? If you're pitching a self-contained, finite story, you can skip this step. But if you're pitching an ongoing or even an open-ended mini-series, you'll probably want to give some indication of where you plan on taking the story next.

If you were pitching Invincible terms, this is where you would drop your bomb.
 

MARKETING
This is my catch-all for a whole bunch of different information: What format will your comic be in? Who is your audience? Do you have any clever ideas on how to sell your comic? The last question is certainly the least important to answer in the initial pitch, but I can tell you from experience that publishers appreciate that kind of forward thinking.
 

CHEESE DOODLES

 

And now for the moment you've all been waiting for...

Here's my original pitch for ArchEnemies, along with accompanying sample pages. Yes, AE is a Dark Horse Comic, and not an Image Comic. But when I was writing this original pitch, I was still planning on getting AE published at Image.

Obviously, there were a lot of changes made between this initial pitch and the final product. Most notably, the addition of a fourth issue to close out the first arc.

And, of course, you'll notice that I made some key edits to the pitch before making it available to you online. I removed some spoilers from the synopsis and the extension. I also crossed out a line of text that makes it sound like I'm still shopping the comic around!

I swear I'm not, Dark Horse peeps!

And remember:

No pitch is perfect. My pitches are especially not perfect. But study the form. Take what you like. Ignore what you don't. And when your comic gets picked up by Image or Dark Horse or wherever, send me a bag of cheese doodles...

     ...because, seriously, they're really yummy.

Drew Melbourne is a freelance writer living in NYC. The third issues of ArchEnemies, his debut series from Dark Horse comics, is in shops now. For more on Drew, read DrewMelbourne.com. For more on ArchEnemies (including ordering information, previews, and convention details) check out the official website at ArchEnemiesOnline.com.