Let me start off this second column back by saying something controversial:

Superhero comics aren’t that popular among today’s comic book fans.

Read that sentence again. Let it sink in. It’s important that you disagree with me violently. That way I’ll seem that much smarter once you realize that I’m right. One more time:

Superhero comics aren’t that popular among today’s comic book fans.

Do you see it yet? Do you see why I’m right?

It’s not a trick, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m not counting in manga. Or web comics. Or newspaper strips. I’m only talking about good old-fashioned, monthly American comic books as sold to comic shops through the direct market. I’m talking about Diamond’s Top 300 comic books.

And I’m telling you that superhero comics just aren’t that popular. 

Are the X-Men popular? Sure. Batman? Of course. Superman? Spider-Man? Any comic with the numbers “5” and “2” featured adjacently in their titles? There’s no question. They all have big fan bases.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not an idiot enormous idiot. I know that there are tens of thousands – probably hundreds of thousands - of DC fans and Marvel fans out there. 

But are they superhero fans? Not really. Not purely.

If you pull all the DC comics and all the Marvel comics from the sales charts, you suddenly get a much different impression of the direct market. Here’s the non-DC/non-Marvel Top Ten for September 2006:

• Star Wars Legacy 3 (Dark Horse)
• Conan 32 (Dark Horse)
• Red Sonja 14 (Dynamic)
• Spawn 160 (Image)
• Lone Ranger 1 (Dynamic)
• Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic 8 (Dark Horse)
• Hunter Killer 7 (Image)
• Conan & Songs of the Dead 3 (Dark Horse)
• Walking Dead 31 (Image)
• Savage Red Sonja 2 (Dynamic)

What do we see? Sword & Sorcery. Light Sabers & Forcery. Cowboys. Zombies. And, oh yeah, one superhero/horror book and one superhero/sci-fi/espionage book. The best-selling non-Marvel/non-DC “superheroes without apologies” comic is Invincible #35, and it barely breaks the Top Twenty.

Fans don’t read superhero comics. They read Marvel superhero comics. Or DC superhero comics. They follow characters, and they follow universes.

To the extent that readers will try anything else, maybe, maybe, maybe, they’ll pick up a non-Marvel/non-DC superhero book. But they’re much more likely to pick up a Star Wars comic or a Conan comic or a Walking Dead.

So here’s the lesson for you:
If your name isn’t “Marvel Comics” or “DC Comics,” you’re better off writing anything but superhero comics.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive. After all, most of us grew up reading nothing but superhero comics. Even today, many of us read nothing but superhero comics. We love superhero comics, and most of us have 10 to 11 billion ideas for superhero comics of our own.

Q: Who wouldn’t want to read my awesome superhero masterpiece?
A: The planet Earth and her citizens.

Most comic book fans have all the superhero comics they need. If they want to read something new, they want to read something new.

I’m not telling you to give up your dreams of getting Doctor Dinosword into print some day. Remember, I’m the guy who’s trying to turn ArchEnemies into a franchise for Dark Horse. Just know that it’s an uphill battle, and that you might have better luck writing something more – dare I say it – mainstream first.

Or, barring that, second.

Which brings me to the main topic of this week’s column: Me.

A Very Important Topic of Discussion
Last week I rattled off a handful of projects that I’m trying to get published. Of those, half were superhero comics and half weren’t. And of those, I suspect the “weren’t” ones will sell quicker.

Here are the three non-super projects I’m currently working on:

• We are the Conspiracy, a quirky satire about a world gone wrong
• Across the Universe, which I call “Star Trek for girls and for geeks like me”
• Hellbent, the sickest, most horrible thing I’ve ever written

What do all three of these books have in common? Very little. And that’s by design. I’m still very early on in my career, and I don’t want to get stuck as “The guy who can only do X.”

That said, the more you know about these individual projects, the more you’ll see that they’re all uniquely Melbournesque. And because I don’t expect you to have a definition of Melbournesque in your head quite yet, let me provide one for you here:

(Folks who read ArchEnemies #4 may question this last bullet point. You’re right. Also, I hate you. Also, I’m learning. Also, have I mentioned that I hate you?)

To illustrate the above – not the hate, but rather the four bullet points above it - let me talk a little bit about We are the Conspiracy and a little bit more about ArchEnemies.

A Simple But Clever High-Concept
Most of you will recall the high-concept behind ArchEnemies:

A superhero and his archenemy don’t realize that they’re roommates in their secret identities.

It’s simple enough for anyone to understand, but clever enough that no one’s thought of it before. It’s a familiar idea with a high-concept twist.

Simple. Clever. High-concept.

Now the high-concept behind We are the Conspiracy:

A struggling stand-up comedian takes a job as the Northeast Regional Manager of Subliminal Broadcasting for the secret conspiracy that rules the world.

Does this high-concept pass the same test? I hope so. I’ve already started pitching this book to publishers.

If it falls down anywhere, it’ll be with the phrase “Northeast Regional Manager of Subliminal Broadcasting.” Readers have to know what “Subliminal Broadcasting” is, and they have to understand why having a “Northeast Regional Manager” of it is funny. 

If you read the high-concept for We are the Conspiracy and thought “office comedy meets conspiracy theory” then I win. And if you didn’t? Well, maybe I should just shorten the high-concept to:

          Office comedy meets conspiracy theory.

Personally, I think that’s a little too vague, but we’ll see how things go.

Mix Comedy Into Drama and Drama Into Comedy
You’ll recall (and/or you can scroll up a page and confirm) that my second criteria for Melbournesque comics was that they “always mix comedy into drama and drama into comedy.” ArchEnemies a perfect example of this philosophy.

The high-concept is fun, but the book is more than its high-concept. There’s comedy, sure. But there’s also action and drama and… um… more of those three things.

Some people will tell you that serious things should be serious and that funny things should be funny, and that the two should never overlap.

Me? I think of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Shaun of the Dead and The Princess Bride and Russell T. Davies’ Doctor Who. My favorite entertainment is always smart and clever and multi-faceted.

I know I’m not there yet, but that’s where I’m aiming.

In the mean time, I try to manage expectations. I’ve taken to calling We are the Conspiracy an “absurdist drama,” because audiences generally prefer dramas-that-are-also-funny to comedies-that-are-also-serious.

We are the Conspiracy is a social satire about a funny guy, his ridiculous job, and the disturbingly reality behind the world he lives in.

More Character-Driven Than Plot-Driven
Melbournesque comics are character-driven and not plot-driven. The dramatic question that drives ArchEnemies isn’t “Will Star Fighter foil the Underlord’s evil plan?” It’s “Can Ethan and Vincent grow as human beings and learn to live together in peace?” The characters drive the plot, not the other way around.

In We are the Conspiracy, the story is all about our struggling stand-up comedian, Sheldon. How does taking a job in the corporate world evil conspiracy world change him? And how does he turn that world on its head? Character drives plot.

A Beginning, Middle, and End
Finally, Melbournesque comics always have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

It’s true that the first ArchEnemies mini-series doesn’t, strictly. The final issue introduces a new status quo for the roommates that won’t be fully explored until ArchEnemies: Volume 2. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe.

I can tell you that the reason I did it that way (right or wrong) was that some people were telling me, “That’s a great idea, but I don’t see how it can sustain itself for more than a few issues.” I wanted to show the readers that the comic was going somewhere. That I had a clear direction set out. And that they should keep harassing my editor and the folks at Dark Horse till ArchEnemies: Volume 2 is officially scheduled.

In hindsight, I might have overreached slightly. I might have been better off presenting a completely self-contained story and trusting that if it was good enough, the audience would demand more.

Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda.

Anyway, all of my new projects are self-contained. And if the audience wants a sequel, we’ll talk.

We are the Conspiracy is four issues. Across the Universe is four issues. Hellbent is probably five.

In the past, I’ve described writing in joke logic: premise and punchline; set-up and pay-off.

Audiences are more likely to try something new if they know that they’re going to get a pay-off for their investment. And they’re more likely to be satisfied in the end, if they get the pay-off they were promised.

Beginning. Middle. End.

And there’s another incentive that’s a bit more mercenary. The film rights for ArchEnemies are only based around that first mini-series. Sam Raimi and company are actually optioning one eighth of a story.

If I’m creating stories that are ideally suited for exploitation in other media (which I am), then I’m best served by presenting them in such a way that they can be translated smoothly into said media (which I now am).

Ultimately, ArchEnemies: The Movie may wind up looking very little like ArchEnemies: The Comic. I don’t know for sure. It’s still too early to say.

With We are the Conspiracy (and Across the Universe and Hellbent), I’m offering a more complete vision.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo let me end this weeks column by addressing the concerns of anyone who’s just now realized that I’m an enormous whore:

I love comics. My life goal has been to write comics. And now, by some miracle, I’m writing and publishing comics. And I don’t want that to stop. But I’m greedy – not for money – but for audience. I want as many people as possible to discover my work, whether it’s in the comic shops or the libraries or the cineplexes.

News of the ArchEnemies film deal is already driving sales of the original issues and of the upcoming trade. If the film goes forward, that’ll drive more eyeballs to my comics. And if the film looks anything like the comic, then Yvel and I will get credit for that as well.

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but I plan on being the world’s greatest living comic book writer in 100 years time. This is how I get started.

I am the conspiracy.

Drew Melbourne is the writer of this column, of Dark Horse Comics' ArchEnemies, and of various other comics that you will purchase, read, and enjoy in the future. The first ArchEnemies collected edition ships this January. Fore more details, check out ArchEnemiesOnline.com. To find out more about Drew himself and about this year's third annual Double Steak Day, please visit DrewMelbourne.com.