Last time, we talked proof of concept. It doesn't matter how good your concept is if it doesn't work in practice. "It's like the Mona Lisa, but prettier," is a nice target, but it's not worth much if you don't know which side of the easel is up.

So today's secret word is "execution," kiddies. And, no, I don't mean the "off with their heads" kind of execution. I mean "setting out to do something and then actually doing it."

Last week I came up with an idea. That's the "setting out to do something" part. I figured it'd be cool to write a comic about a bunch of superheroes and what they do in the last hour before the end of their world.

Who settles an old score? Who tries to make up for the past? Who reveals a secret? Etc.

A nifty idea, but here's the kick:

The format for the story is one 64-page graphic novel comprised of short (1-3 page) vignettes. Each of these vignettes tells the story of a different hero in their last hour.

So now the hard part: the "actually doing it" part. Writing an interesting story about a hero facing imminent death is tricky. Doing it many times over is trickier. Doing it many times in rapid succession with only a few pages for each character?

     Priceless.

Wait. I may have my gags mixed up. Well, at any rate, it ain't easy. Heck, it may not even be feasible. That's why, last week, I set out to create a "proof of concept." Before I move forward with the larger project, I need to prove to myself that I can tell succinct, compelling stories in this brief format.

(If I'm lucky, this newly perfected precision will also help me when I'm back to writing full-length comics.)

So I started on my proof of concept piece, a two-parter tentatively called "The Long Thaw." (Once more I refer you back to my last column.) In this story a superheroine tracks down the man who killed her daughter in a drunk driving accident, years earlier. With the end of the world upon them, vengeance becomes more important to her than justice.

The actual script was okay for a first draft, but certainly not at the level that I'm shooting for. So this week I REread and REflect in preparation for next week's REwrite.

REREAD
I have a bad writer trait: I have a hard time judging my own work. Most of the time when I'm writing, I'm thinking, "This is awful! This is awful! This is awful!" I struggle, and I struggle, but eventually I put something together, sigh in relief, and then roll over and take a nap. When I wake up in the morning, I think, "That was so awful. I should really rewrite that."

Then I go back to read this dreck and, SURPRISE, it's brilliant! Well, maybe not "brilliant," but good enough.

You see, I tend to hate things IN ADVANCE ("this won't be good") and IN ABSTRACT ("this didn't achieve my vague/amorphous goal"), but I tend to love things IN DETAIL ("those three words in that particular sequence are dynamite!").

But, as a writer, you can't just love your details. Even if every single one of those details is brilliant, it's just not enough...

...because you don't just need great details. You need the RIGHT details. The ones that fit together best and tell the story you're trying to tell.

As I reread the first draft, I'm not just looking for "what's good" and "what's bad." I'm looking for "what's right for this story." And if I'm going to do that, I definitely need to understand what the story IS.

Plot-wise, the story has five beats:

• We're introduced to an ordinary-ish family.
  
• The father goes to the door to speak to a strange visitor.
  
• The visitor/heroine reveals herself and kills the father for his past sins.
  
• The wife confronts the heroine angrily.
  
• The heroine expresses some minor epiphany/insight into her life.

The first draft does, in fact, hit all those beats, though the dialogue needs to be punched up throughout, and the last beat needs to be clearer and more meaningful. That'll hopefully happen as I do a bit more thinking about the big ideas behind the story:

What am I trying to say? What are the characters trying to say? What's the point?

But before I skip ahead to the "reflect" stage, let me just take a moment to pat myself on the back for some things I've done well:

First off, composition is key. ESPECIALLY when you're dealing with a quick 2-page story, it's vital that every panel contributes something.

You'll note that even in the first draft, there are certain panel sequences where we get the same basic shot 2 or 3 times in a row, with only minor changes.

Some people might think that this is lazy storytelling ("Hey, Jim! Just do that last panel again, but this time... MADDER!"), but really it's just GOOD storytelling.

Comics are images in sequence. When we juxtapose similar images, it highlights the contrast. For example:

Because the two panels are so similar, the change in expression is extremely clear. One glance at these two panels, and the reader immediately understands what "key information" they should be getting out of this sequence.

     (Or at least they would if I was a better artist...)

Similarly, when the first draft calls for two panels looking down on a dinner plate or three panels of the father standing at the door, I'm really directing the reader to pay attention to certain key details:

The father caring for his son. The father getting increasingly uncomfortable at the door.

There's another benefit to these subtle shifts, as well. "The illusion of motion." Obviously, your comic book isn't going to sit up and walk off any time soon. It's a static medium, yadda, yadda. But a string of panels with subtle shifts play like a flip book in your mind. So when we flip from page 1 to page 2 using essentially the same shot, the scene will hopefully "animate" in the readers' minds.

And a quick word on the flip: If this story is laid out correctly, you won't get to page 2 until you flip the page. That's a crucial tool at the writer's disposal for TWO reasons.

First, it means that the reader can't SEE the next panel until they flip the page. (So if you want to do something surprising, make it happen in the first panel on the left hand page.)

Second, it takes time to flip the page. Even if it's just a split second, it slows the readers down. For that fraction of a second, in their heads, they're thinking "What did that thing that just happened mean?" "What's going to happen next?"

The flip gives the reader a moment to establish expectations so that they can either be met or exceeded or defeated.

Here's a quick example:

Um? Okay! That's fine and all, but there's really not much dramatic tension here. But what happens if we insert a "flip" into the equation?

"Wow, Drew! You just BLEW my MIND!"

Why, thank you, hypothetical interlocutor.

In situations where precision is key, it can be worthwhile to draw little sample page layouts for each page. Get an idea of where each panel might fall on the page, and how it flows. The artist you work with may want to go in a different direction, but at least you'll know that you have one version that works.

Here, especially, where my goal is to do a series of very short vignettes, possibly with a range of differnet artists, layouts will be a valuable tool to make sure that my ideas come across clearly and that the final package has a coherent look and feel.

Here's a quick sample layout for "The Long Thaw":

Note that in this PARTICULAR case I didn't draw in any pictures. I just drew the panels. I'd probably do something slightly more detailed for an artist, but for you guys?

If you read the script with this panel guide at your side, you should be able to get a fair idea of what each panel should look like. If I'm stretching your brains by making you think like an artist for a moment, so much the better.

REFLECT
What is this story about? I called it "The Long Thaw" MOSTLY because I was in a hurry and needed a title that included a winter/cold pun. But what is the significance of this "thaw" in relation to these characters?

The (not-so?) obvious answer: the superheroine's daughter died, and she never properly grieved. The man responsible for her death went free, and the only way she could accept that was to deny her feelings and put her total faith in the law.

But now the world is coming to an end, so our heroine is forced to ask, "Was it all worth it?" What good has her blind faith in the law done her? Finally, in her last hour, she's beginning to feel the grief and pain that she's been denying for years, and those feelings are consuming her.

The ending of the first draft strikes a false note, then, when the heroine realizes that the family's grief will make the end of the world seem like a blessing. It's an interesting point to make (an interesting detail), but it's also a non-sequitor. It's off-point.

To nail the ending, I need to realign the confrontation between the heroine and the wife to match the heroine's real feelings.

The key floats somewhere around this idea of thawing/melting/crying. There's a reference in the first draft, but I need to build on it.

After years and years of trying to be strong and trying to do the right thing, this heroine is falling apart.

What's interesting, for me, is this idea that society tells you that you need to be A, B, and C, and so you become all those things, even if -- deep down -- you desperately want to be something else. You deny the things you desire in favor of the things someone told you that you SHOULD desire.

Maybe what you really want is good. Maybe it's bad. Maybe society is right to apply its pressures.

But what does it feel like when you finally express your true feelings and act on them, after spending so long denying them? Do you feel happy? Do you regret having waited so long? Or do you hate yourself for your weakness?

We're out of time this week, but next time I'll have the second draft, and hopefully we'll see some dialogue that better aligns with these deep-ish thoughts.

Mind you, we only have about four sentence in the actual story to explore all of the above!

     Drew out.

Drew Melbourne is a freelance writer living in NYC. His first published comic, ArchEnemies, is due out in April 06 from a publisher TBA. For more on Drew (not to be confused with "moron Drew"), visit the aptly titled DrewMelbourne.com.