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Scryptic Dojo: Primal Rage |
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Written by Jeffery Stevenson
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Friday, 22 April 2005 |
The food court? You're just kidding with that one, right? Right? It's just my character's a freak/superhero/mafioso/devil/pickle from another time/country/world/dimension that would never, ever go to a food court.
But does that character have a favorite food? Is he/she/it on a special diet? Does he/she/it have food allergies? Is there a psychological/physiological condition that affects her/his/its interaction with other people? How is the character's finances? Is the character afraid of crowds? Open spaces? Germs?
There's all this to learn about your character and more at the food court. Exercises like this can help a writer understand their characters better. It takes them out of their normal environment and gives the writer a new perspective. The writer will be able to think about how the character's dialogue might confuse and sometimes conflict with that found in this new environment, or they could consider the reactions generated by the mannerisms that character is used to. Sometimes, it just takes a switch in locale or viewpoint to bring the character to life in the writer's mind, so the character can pour out onto the page easier.
So, let's see what the writers in last week's exercise did to bring the food court to life for their character.
Warren Peace
Let's look at some of the things we learned about Warren in this story.
• He hates fast food. But why does he hate fast food? Does he hate it because of health reasons, bad experiences, or his opinions on the impact fast food has on society? This was an opening with some potential for exploring the character, but it was just introduced and immediately forgotten.
• He's tired of fighting for demon equality. He used to care about a cause, but it looks like he fell into apathy. He says he doesn't really care any more... but you can tell he still does, or he wouldn't have cringed or even thought about it in the first place. His fire for this cause has been ground down to almost nothing, but it feels like it's still clinging on to some kind of hope.
• He's history... or so he thinks. According to his narrative reflections, he thinks he's earned a place in history books through his past actions. But did he or didn't he? One path leads to him being a delusional (and possibly senile) old man while the other leads to him being a figure of historical significance.
• He's packin' some heat. This combined with the fact that he recognizes the people after him would make you think he'd be a bit more paranoid. Always keeping an eye out for trouble, scanning his exit options, staying out of the open, and keeping a low profile. Yet, he gets distracted by kids calling names, gets lost in thought thinking about the children there, and gets knocked over by a skater who caught him by surprise. It could be he's old and doesn't care as much any more... but then, why bring the gun?
Notes:
• Your dialogue feels stilted/formalized in places. If you try speaking the dialogue out loud or have a friend read it to you while you listen to it, you should be able to see how this affects the dialogue. One thing to think about for helping with this is to use more contractions in your dialogue in places where dialogue should normally feel more natural and comfortable... or where the action picks up (a situation where people tend to be concise with their talking).
• "Of all the things that have changed in my life this is one thing I hate; fast food." This bit of narration takes away from any motivation for him actually being at the food court, and it doesn't really lead in to the story very well (and could cause the reader to jump out of the story for a moment)... since some unruly kids immediately distract him from his complaining. Also, his ordering skills at the coffee shop make it feel like he's never been there before, which could be absolutely true, but it runs the risk of the reader questioning the logic behind him going there in the first place. And once they start questioning things, they sometimes like to keep questioning (and pull themselves out of the illusion).
• Remi. Her being there and being the one to help Warren up feels very forced. Sure, his narrative mentions how much of a coincidence it could be that the person he's been searching for finds him, but it's too convenient of a coincidence and stretches that situation into the realm of the unbelievable.
Chris - Virtual Epoch Renaissance
Let's see some of the things this story reveals about Dirk.
• He's a decker. That's probably as definitive an archetype as you can get for a cyberpunk story. And he matched the profile... lone wolf style character, gritty, and even the drug addiction. But there wasn't much shown of his decker aspect. We only learn about it because someone calls Dirk that. You did hint at him having cyberware with the "Cybernetics Hospital" sign, but you passed up an opportunity to play that up visually with a look at some cyber-guts.
• Did I mention he's a decker? I don't really see anything different with this character that isn't standard with a classic cyberpunk decker. Lone wolf, gritty, and (most likely) a drug addict. He did handle himself well in the fight with the two thugs, but he did manage to get shot in the gut during the conflict. And just my opinion here, but I'd like to see something a bit different with that standard decker character. Something a little twisted. Something to spice it up a bit.
• He has some I/we issues. "The Gunshin run this city and for the most part things are good. There is a truce between us and them: We don't fuck with them and they leave us alone."
"I don't care if you're in New Mecca, Old Mecca, or anywhere else in the world. When it comes down to it, I play things my way, despite the consequences."
It feels a bit odd that he kicks off this piece with the "we, we, we" and ends with more of a "me, me, me."
Notes:
• "Don't ask how I got involved with him." To me, that seems like an annoying line to stick into a story. I think it would be better to either tell the story or leave it a mystery because when you do things like this, it feels a bit like rubbing it in that you know something they don't.
• Page 2 Panel 3... Who's Doug? Is that supposed to be Crasher with the knife? If it is Crasher, why would he go for his gun in Page 3 Panel 2 when he could just stab the bastard? Then in Page 3 Panel 3... if you've got a close shot only showing their arms close to each other after they just drew the guns from their jackets, I can see an artist picturing that as the arms going straight out from the jackets and pointing at either the chest or head. If the artist draws it that way, you could encounter an anomaly with the gunshot wounds when one scores a headshot and the other lands in the gut.
DamonX
Well, we didn't have Dr. Winter this time, so let's take a look at Jerome.
• Friends with his lawyer. Definitely a good business practice, which helps establish some legitimacy to Jerome as an executive. The only thing I don't get is why he's asking Carl to do investigative work best suited for an actual detective. Sure, lawyers are good at research and digging up information for their cases, but would he have access to a crime scene for a case he's not involved with? Would he be able to access the police reports if he's not active in that particular case? Would he be able to track down two suspects based on description alone? Maybe... but if he's the attorney for a businessman, he probably leans more toward the corporate law side of things.
• He believes Dr. Winter. That's gotta be a powerful friendship when you can show up looking like Randall did and acting as irrational as he was... and Jerome believes him. That's a good friend trait, but it's not a good business practice. Successful businessman are about good business, and good business doesn't usually involve taking (on mostly faith) the word of someone who was threatening to burn people alive and make them pay for what they've done. Maybe the friendship's strong enough to prevail in this situaion, but I could also see an executive approach these circumstances with a bit more due diligence.
• Collasa-Dilla. Out of all the choices in the food court, he went for the spicy choice, and ordered the dish with three kinds of meat. Could it be that he doesn't really care about his health and would rather enjoy his meal? Could it be that he's a nervous eater? Indulges in tasty foods to help take his mind off his stress and fears.
Notes:
• Your dialogue still looks like it's on the heavy side in parts, but much improved from last week. Try to keep in mind that a decent amount of dialogue in a panel that closes in on someone will often wind up covering up the art (word balloons slapped across the forehead and other fun stuff like that).
• Be careful using rumor-based stories utilizing the names of real people. Even if the person you're referring to is dead, the family will probably get the rights to that family member's story... and depending on how protective they are of it, it could lead to trouble. It could be argued a bit on the fair use side of things (since the stories about him made him a public figure), but the safest option is to just make up a fictional name and be done with it.
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Exercise #3
Anger. It gets to even the best of people at times. It's raw. It's primal. And it can lead to all kinds of character conflict and development when they have to resist their rage or figure out how they deal with the consequences when they give in to it.
In four pages or less, have your character (if you didn't create one for the first exercise, make up one to play around with for these exercises) give in to anger. Show your character getting royally ticked off. You can show the anger building inside for a dramatic effect, or you can let them fly instantly into a rage to play up the action. Use your imagination and bring the fury.
Deadline (for article): Monday, April 25th at Noon (central)
Deadline (normal): Wednesday, April 27th at Noon (central)
Please post your questions, comments, and entries in the appropriate threads in the Scryptic Dojo forum.
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Jeffery Stevenson is one of the Scryptic Studios co-founders. He's sometimes considered a lose cannon by some co-workers, but he just looks at it as "keeping the office lively." He once drank a six-pack of Jolt in thirty minutes, thinks the nights were meant for dancing, and has devoured crickets and earthworms. He also writes (and letters) some weekly Asgardian webcomic. Oh, and this spooky reality-spoofing one too. I think he also does some weekly humor column bit. Check his member page here at Scryptic for more details.
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