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Editing: The First Five Pages |
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Written by Jeffery Stevenson
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Tuesday, 25 January 2005 |
The first five pages. You've made that first impression with the first page, and now, you really need to dig your hooks in to get that reader's (or editor's) attention. Are five pages all that important? Well, that is the number of pages you'd submit to Image for consideration... and if a publisher thinks they're that important, you should give them some extra consideration.
Before we get into the scripts, here are some things to consider with the first five pages of a story:
- Set the tone. Is your story a romance? A futuristic adventure? A period piece? A mystery? A comedy? Don't hide it from the reader. Let them know what to expect from this story. If it's a comedy, get the laughs rolling right off the bat. If it's a crime drama, you could open it up with... a crime. If you establish the tone and feel of your story at the beginning, you'll have a lot more happy readers when you deliver that kind of a story to them, and if you start out one way and switch to your "real story" a little later, you could wind up disappointing the readers looking forward to the type of book you started with. Adding different elements in the middle generally works fine to spice things up a bit, but it's always important to finish the story you started.
- Establish the characters/setting/event/idea. If you have elements that could really help your story stand out, get some of those in the reader's hands right away. Far away, exotic locales. Quirky characters. World-changing catastrophes. Mind-boggling mysteries. Introduce your readers to these things in the beginning of your story and hook them into your story. Give them that world they wish they could visit. Give them a character they can associate with. Give them chaos... give them puzzles. Give them something they can latch onto that's fun or quirky or different. Establish something worth paying for.
- Get the story moving. Easy enough. There's no need to start your story off with tons of exposition/backstory. "But they won't know anything about this incredible universe I spent three years developing." Well, don't tell them about your glorious world... show them. And the best way to show them is to let them live it through your characters. It's important to remember that stories usually work best when they move forward toward the ending. That includes the beginning... the first opportunity you have to get the story rolling along. Sure, you could have a pretty car sitting there idling its engine, but it's much more fun to take off and experience the thrills of what it can actually do.
Now, let's get into the two stories I selected to go over in this article:
Intergalactic Wrestling Federation (by Scryptic forum member Ugga Bugga)
pdf of script with more detailed comments
- One of the first things I took notice of was the repeated occurrence of certain scenes and how often people were basically standing around talking. When Flypaper stands there in the ring addressing the crowds and reading the note, you could do so much more with it. You did break it up by throwing in some crowd reactions, but what if you did something like put that Galactatron to use? Maybe have it show some highlights from Banjo's career as he reads the note. And remember, this isn't just a writing thing. Think about the sport you're writing about here. When wrestler's "talk," do they sit or stand around just talking? No. They leap across tables, grab people by the throat, smash chairs, yell, scream, wave their arms, taunt, and all other kinds of crazy things. And fans eat it up. It adds a special kind of energy to the sport and makes already colorful characters... memorable.
- It doesn't feel like you're taking this concept to the level it could be. You've mentioned a futuristic setting. You've established that, but you're not playing up the futuristic aspects to take it to something that could really pull people deeper into this environment. Back to the Future, part 2 took Marty McFly to the future, and they played up that futuristic environment with hover skateboards, retro diners (retroing all the way back to Marty's era), and clothes that adjust themselves to fit you. All little things, but they do help pull the reader/viewer into your environment... and into your story.
- I mentioned establishing characters in my general comments, but I'll repeat it here. It doesn't feel like you're doing much with the development of Flypaper. You have plenty of opportunities to really give him a personality that sets him apart from other characters, but he winds up being almost a stereotype. Find out what you really want the character to be like and play that up to get the reader into the character. If you want him to be despised, play that up in interesting ways to get that reader going, "This guy needs someone to come into that ring and slap him." As it is, the character (and reactions to the character) feel a little bit "generic" and don't really get the punch that they could.
DOC (by Scryptic forum member Graymalkin Lane)
pdf of script with more detailed comments
- The first thing I noticed--Samson feels way out of character. Sure, he had a subconscious desire for power that manifested itself when he first got his powers, but he's proven a number of times that he's over that. He's a psychiatrist... and you're taking him away from that persona to try to establish him losing it. The man survived Delia's mind probe device (which she used in an attempt to drive him mad), being involved in the accidental death of someone, belitting by Joe Fixit, and persisting in trying to save Banner/Hulk (and a lot more). He has some serious mental fortitude, and it's really tough picturing him losing his cool over marriage counseling work and an ornery alarm clock. You also have to remember that if your story is trying to show him going crazy (and if your story really revolves around that principle), you should try to establish his "normalcy" for the readers. Give them a feel for what he's really like (establish the character) and then work your way into the crazy. New readers won't have the advantage of knowing what the character's like from reading about him over the years. They might not realize that he's losing it (they might just think he's an ass). That's something to keep in mind.
- You have a tendency to place parts of your story completely in the hands of the artist. It's not necessarily a bad thing... if you're working with an artist you trust--one you've established a good working relationship with. But what if you wind up working with an artist that's technically good, but relies heavily on working from a well-planned blueprint of a script from a writer? Loose descriptions might come back to burn you there. The best strategy (especially if you're not sure of the artist on the project yet) is to play it safe. Add a little more detail to the descriptions and keep in mind how the art and lettering tend to get in each other's way.
Also, remember that multiple actions in a single panel don't always work (you can do some creative things here-and-there, but generally it's a single action freeze frame per panel). This also goes for dialogue. If someone yells at you looking pissed and keeps that same expression as they say, "I'm just kidding", are you gonna believe them? It's the same here... dialogue that conflicts with the expressions shown could take a reader out of the story and throw off your pacing. It's a little thing, but sometimes it's just a lot of little things that keep a good story from being great.
- Are you going for comedy with this or a darker, psychological piece? The beginning makes it feel like the start of a comedy (but your pitch didn't reflect that). Remember to set the tone for your story from the beginning.
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And that's it. Five pages go a long way with making an impact with editors and readers... because sometimes, that's all the chance you'll have to get them to take a chance on your book. Make them count!
... Feel free to discuss this article in the Scryptic forum for The Art of Words.
Jeffery Stevenson is a Scryptic Studios member. He currently writes (and letters and now colors) the weekly Brat-halla and Spook'd webcomics as well as the weekly Comicaze Report. His published works have appeared in Digital Webbing Presents, Hero Happy Hour Super Collection, Even More Fund Comics, and more; and one of his screenplays finished as a second rounder at the Austin Film Festival and placed in the top six percent at the Nicholl Fellowship.
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