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In
a few short weeks, I'll be able to hold in my hands my first
published comic book work.
Wow!
I
can't believe I just said that. Seriously. The whole thing has been
so far under my radar, that you'd think it wasn't a big deal to me.
It
is.
It's
not just a big deal. It's a huge deal. H-U-G-E huge.
Not
that I expect it to be a huge, or big, or even visually discernible
deal to anyone besides me. After all, it's just a single 8-page story
in an 88-page anthology. It's not like I'm Jason Aaron, and just got
my first comic book series picked up by Vertigo, for cryin' out loud!
(Although,
you know, as far as career paths go, that's a good one to emulate!)
Okay,
so, enough with the pleasantries and dilly-dallying. And on to the
actual column per se. To whit:
(I
have SO wanted to write “to whit” in public, and this was my
first-ever opportunity. Thanks for sharing this moment with me, dear
reader!)
Steven
Prouse, the editor of Sequential Suicide (the aforementioned
anthology in which my story, “Fall of the Triumvirate,” will
appear), emailed me yesterday with the news that the book will be
ready in time for MegaCon in Orlando, FL on February 16-18. He also
informed me of an opportunity to buy the book at a substantial
discount, so at the moment, I'm trying to figure out exactly how many
copies I should buy.
I'm
thinking 10 at the moment. That's one for me, one for my mom, and
eight to have on hand should I ever have occasion to pass one off to
an editor who's looking to see what I can do. I'm definitely going to
the San Diego Comic-Con this summer. It'll be my first-ever con, and
I'd like to think I'll make a couple of contacts there that would be
amenable to me giving them a copy of the book.
(And
in the spirit of “it's never too early to promote whatever,” for
next week's column, I've lined up a melange of writers and editors
and asked them Everything I Always Wanted to Know About the San Diego
Comic-Con and Wasn't Afraid to Ask – so be sure to check this space
next week for some practical, down-to-earth advice on how a humble,
aspiring writer can get the most out of the SDCC.)
Where
was I? Oh yes, Sequential Suicide, home to Elton Pruitt's
first published comic book story, “Fall of the Triumvirate.” (Can
you say, “search engine optimization?” I sure can!)
Well
anyways (I like to imagine I am from Brooklyn, and should talk like
this. But I am not.), now that I've spent the better part of this
column talking about my upcoming first publication, I'd like to
invite you to stick around for what is actually the better
part.
I
thought it might be interesting and perhaps even educational to share
with you the first three pages of “Fall of the Triumvirate,” both
in script and finished page form. So, without further ado, here they
are:
PAGE ONE –
5 PANELS
Panel 1-1.
From behind, on a
four-door sedan (it's a plainclothes cop car, so a Crown Victoria or
something equally bland). The car sits in the middle of a dirt road
and has one of those single dome lights on top, the kind they just
pull out of the car and slap up on top when they need it. We can just
make out someone sitting in the driver's seat, but it's raining like
mad so we can't make out any details. The whole scene is dominated by
the driving rain. The actual setting is Rottingwood Road as seen on
the cover of the book, but we're pulled in tight on the car, so
between that and the rain, it's not necessarily recognizable as being
that same shot as the cover. There is another cop car (a regular
patrol car with light bars on top) a ways ahead of this one, just so
you know. It's fine for it to be seen here, or intimated, but not
critical, because we will establish its presence later on the page.
CAP: Not
a day goes by I don't think about
what happened here that night.
Panel 1-2.
The car's interior, seen
from the back seat looking forward. Detective Daniel Landis lights a
cigarette from the dashboard lighter. Now we should definitely see at
least the rain-blurred outline of the cop car parked maybe 10 or 20
yards down the road, light bars flashing.
CAP: What
a load of crap.
CAP: Maybe
if I was a better person,
I'd think about it every day. But as it is, I might go a week, maybe
even two sometimes now without
thinking about it.
Panel 1-3.
On Detective Landis, from
the passenger seat as he holds the burning cigarette in one hand and
takes a swig from a small metal flask with the other. He's
30-something, lean, grizzled, crewcut blonde hair. A harsh, weathered
face framing soft, cold, but soulful eyes.
CAP: Of
course, if I was a better person, I never would've left Terry alone
in the woods that night.
CAP: Alone.
Scared. His ankle sprained…or
possibly worse.
Panel 1-4.
In close on Landis from
the front. He's staring absently ahead, taking a deep drag on his
cigarette.
CAP: Nothing
was ever the same after that night, so long ago now, on Rottingwood
Road.
CAP: Not
for me.
not for Shane. and most of all,
not for Terry. wherever
he is, God rest his soul.
Panel 1-5.
Pull back so we're now
looking at the front of the detective's car as a uniformed policeman
(wearing either a transparent poncho or one labeled POLICE on the
back) approaches the driver's side door.
CAP: And
God damn shane's and mine.
PAGE
TWO – 6 PANELS
Panels 2-1 to 2-3.
FLASHBACK
(panels need to be visually distinct to indicate this).
The top tier of the page
is a widescreen shot of the three boys (Shane, Terry, Danny left to
right) sitting in the floor in front of the couch, watching Saturday
morning TV. Split it into three panels so each boy has his own panel,
but it's still a single image across the page – just divided up
into approximate thirds. We can just see the top of the TV in the
foreground. They're all just kids here, maybe nine or ten years old.
Panel 2-1.
Shane, on the left, is a
big, stocky kid, a mess of tight curls on his head. He's wearing
camo.
CAP: shane
porter.
CAP: his
dad died the year before. he never
cried about it. at least, not around us.
Panel 2-2.
Terry, in the middle, is
the small one. He's got brown hair sloppily parted, hanging down in
his eyes somewhat, sporting a number 12 Cowboys jersey, way too big
for him. And a Steve Martin-style fake arrow through his head.
CAP: terry
parks.
CAP: he
was just funny, you know? funny
strange and funny ha-ha. absolutely obsessed
with steve martin.
TV (ELEC): ...stay tuned for scenes from next week's “battle
of the planets!”
Panel 2-3.
Danny, on the right, is
taller than the others and thin, with longish blond hair. He's
wearing a t-shirt with a cape of some sort tied around his neck,
superhero fashion. And glasses.
CAP: that's
me, danny landis.
CAP: danny
was a good name for a kid. simple. straightforward. innocent.
CAP: it's
daniel now.
Panel 2-4.
Another widescreen shot,
same size and angle as the one above. This one occupies the middle
tier of the page but is not broken up into three panels. It's just
the one widescreen shot of the three boys, sitting on the floor in
front of the couch, watching TV. Only now they're 13 to 14, in the
throes of puberty (this is the early to mid 1980s now). Do with that
what you will. Here are my suggestions: Shane gets acne and a heavy
metal t-shirt (Ozzy, Black Sabbath, something of that ilk). Terry
gets that goofy 80s look shirt with lots of zippers and maybe
epaulets, whatever. And Danny gets a mullet and has traded in his
glasses for contacts. Shane's smoking, Terry's holding a can of beer,
and Danny's taking a big chug from a pint of whiskey. Keep the same
left-to-right orientation of the boys. One of the boys can be holding
up a spread-out centerfold, or else just have a girlie mag or two
lying around close.
CAP: we
were like the super friends.
our hall of justice was shane's house.
CAP: after
his dad died, his mom was always
working. she needed the money.
CAP: we
needed a place to... be, i guess. to drink and smoke and look
at shane's dad's girlie mags. and wonder who in our school was really
doing it and who was just talking
like they did.
Panel 2-5.
Interior of a school bus,
looking from the front of the bus toward the back. Same timeframe as
previous panel. On the left, Terry is in a seat by himself,
grimacing, trying to ignore the older kid, Rusty, who's leaning over
the seat toward Terry, getting in his face in as obnoxious of a
manner as possible. On the other side of the aisle, if you show it,
Shane and Danny each occupy a seat of their own, sprawled out
comfortably, Shane looking out the window, Danny glancing over in
Terry's general direction.
CAP: rusty
laferney did a lot of talking.
he was two years older, but only one
grade ahead. terry, he ALWAYS got the worst
of it.
RUSTY: fairy!
hey, fairy, i'm talking
to you.
TERRY: my
name's terry, not fairy.
RUSTY: okay
terry, whatever, can you give your sister
a message for me? it's really
important.
Panel 2-6.
CU on Rusty grinning
lasciviously over the seatback.
TERRY(OP): what is it?
RUSTY: the
word is legs. spread the
word.
PAGE
THREE – 4 PANELS
Panel 3-1.
Shane and Danny, standing
around with a few other kids at their bus stop on a school morning.
It's fall, so most of the kids have long sleeves or light jackets.
But Shane still wears only short sleeves, being a stocky kind of guy.
In the distance, we see Terry walking excitedly toward them, holding
something the size of a couple of business or credit cards in his
hands.
CAP: truth
be told, terry was kind of a dork.
TERRY: hey,
guys! check this out!
Panel 3-2.
Close on Terry's hand as
he holds up for their inspection a laminated card. This needs to be
large enough so we can read it. The card has some kind of triangle or
pyramid design on it, with a large heading that says “The
Triumvirate.” And then at each corner of the triangle, it has one
of their names: do this however, as long as Terry's name is not at
the top. You could even add a tagline like “all for one – one for
all” if there's room and it looks good.
TERRY(OP): i designed these all by myself,
on my macintosh, and my dad laminated them up at his office.
TERRY(OP): what do you think? pretty cool, huh? now we're official.
Panel 3-3.
On the three of them,
clustered together. Shane rolls his eyes as he starts to put the card
in his pants pocket. Danny holds his card out away from him,
appraising it. And Terry eagerly looks at their faces to see what
they think.
SHANE: official
losers.
DANNY: don't
be a dick, shane.
SHANE: card-carrying
members of the “virgins till death”
club.
Panel 3-4.
The boys standing at their
lockers at lunchtime, putting books in, taking books out, drinking
sodas, getting ready for the afternoon classes. Terry has center
stage. He's animated, excited.
CAP: but
dork or not, he was still our friend. and friendship meant
something back then.
CAP: there
was a bond we shared, the three
of us. an understanding that we were there
for each other, that we'd stick up for each other in a pinch.
I
learned four important lessons during the process of creating this
story:
-
Work
with an experienced artist
-
Don't
consider your script Gospel
-
Leave
the artist room to do their thing
-
Letter
your own work
Lesson 1: Work
with an experienced artist
In
my original script, I go from the interior of a house (panel 2-4) to
the interior of a school bus (2-5). Now, go back and look at the
finished page 2 above. See how Juan saved me from myself? He added a
panel that is an establishing shot of the school bus, in between the
two panels I had scripted.
Now
look at that page and imagine going straight from panel 4 to the
current panel 6 (bus interior), without the school bus exterior shot
being there. And you'll see why working with an experienced artist,
who knows a little bit more than you about visual storytelling, can
make all the difference.
Lesson 2: Don't
consider your script Gospel
In
panel 2-2, I had Terry wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey and a Steve
Martin-style fake arrow on his head.
So
when I got the pencils back from Juan, I saw that he (a) had not
drawn the arrow, and (b) had him wearing a Star Wars t-shirt instead
of a Cowboys jersey. My first instinct was to email him back and ask
him to “fix” those two things. But the more I thought about it,
the more I started liking what he had done with the Star Wars thing.
Because there was no particular significance to the Cowboys thing or
the arrow thing, in terms of the rest of the story; they were just
attempts on my part to use a little visual shorthand to help flesh
out this kid's personality.
So,
given all that, why not Star Wars?
Lesson 3: Leave
the artist room to do their thing
In
some places, such as panels 2-1 to 2-3, there was a specific visual
effect I had in mind. (And in those particular panels, Juan pulled it
off to a T!)
In
other places, such as panel 3-4, I did not have a specific visual in
mind. I just knew more or less what needed to happen in the panel,
what it needed to say, to help move the story forward.
And
I'm thankful I didn't over-direct in my panel descriptions in those
cases, because when you look at that bottom panel on page 3, just
Wow! What a cool friggin' shot that is – the tilted angle, the
solid blacks framing either side. That's all Juan, finding his own
interpretation of a very general panel description.
Lesson 4: Letter
your own work
Let
me preface this by saying I have no intention of lettering my own
work when I'm the next BKV.
But
until I'm that ridiculously good of a writer, I will letter the
stories I write whenever possible. Because the process of lettering
can teach you a lot as a writer, particularly in the area of just how
much dialogue or exposition you can fit in a given panel.
It's
also fun!
I
like getting to play a role in the presentation of the actual
finished page that someone will (hopefully) pick up and read.
Lettering, to me, is an underappreciated and often misunderstood art,
and I am happy to have learned enough in the past year to do a
passable job at it.
Perhaps
the most important argument for doing your own lettering is the
inestimable value of getting to take one final pass at the script
once the art is complete, and being able to make any last-minute
edits or corrections.
In
“Fall of the Triumvirate,” you'll notice that the script for
panel 2-2 talks about Terry as being absolutely obsessed with Steve
Martin, and includes a voiceover from the TV set announcing next
week's episode of Battle of the Planets.
But
in the actual page 2 that will see print, Terry is obsessed with Star
Wars, rather than Steve Martin. And there's no voiceover coming
from the TV at all.
Why?
It all started with Juan putting a Star Wars shirt on Terry
rather than a Cowboys jersey. Once I decided to roll with that, as I
was doing the lettering on this page, it just made no sense to throw
Steve Martin in, now that there was no gag arrow on his head. And to
name-check Battle of the Planets and Star Wars in the
same panel was just overkill on the whole sci-fi thing – it just
made it all seem too important.
If
someone else was doing the lettering, I wouldn't have had the luxury
of making those little tweaks that, though admittedly minor, help
make this a solid story worth your time (and money!) to read.
And
then there were 2
I
realized just now that I could condense the four things that this
story taught me into only two:
And
with that, I'll bid you a fond adieu till next week, when you'll
learn the shocking truth of Everything I Always Wanted to Know About
the San Diego Comic-Con and Wasn't Afraid to Ask!
Elton
Pruitt writes comic books in the bustling metropolis of Little Rock.
His first published story will appear in Sequential
Suicide,
due in early 2007. He hasn't smoked a cigarette in 754 days! And if
you visit him in EltonSpace,
he'll be delighted – particularly if you subscribe to his blog!
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